I think sex is an unqualified good. Now that doesn't mean that you have to have it all the time, or ever if that's your choice, but sex and sexuality are not just composed of the physical. Knowing one's desires, knowing how to take care of one's body and one's partner(s), being able to talk honestly about fundamental functions of both mind and body - that will lead us to a brighter future. I know it seems kind of grandiose, but we really must learn and talk about these things.
Communication and knowledge are the building blocks of healthy sexuality. They will lead to fewer diseases, more pleasure, more respect. Yes some people will be hateful and mean. They will look upon anything different as a moral failing. But they are and will continue to be in the minority. I am in the business of providing the means and the ways of communication and knowledge, and I hope I can educate some whose views are different, and all who come with an open mind.
I've always thought that education is one of the most important jobs out there. For sex there should certainly be mystery between partners, but there should not be a veil of secrecy drawn over a basic part of life. There are fewer comprehensive sexuality education classes out there. People need information. It needs to be accurate and free from judgment. I am not a moral authority. I am only someone who wants to teach and talk and work toward a better world. Ask me and I will do all I can.
2/07/2007
Toys - easy and complicated
Today I have a couple of toy questions - one that many can relate to, and one a bit more advanced. Not everyone uses toys in their sex lives, but they can certainly bring a bit of extra fun to the bedroom, whether you are alone or with a partner(s).
So, without further ado, question 1 - I am in the market for a strap-on, but don't know what to buy! Where do I start? What brands are good and why?
Well first, my dear friend, you should narrow your search down a bit. Are you going to be using the strap-on for anal play or vaginal or both? What size do you want it? Realistic looking or more creative? Since you are asking specifically for a strap-on, you will need to get a harness and make sure the dildo you choose has a flared base. This actually comes in handy if you want to do anal play as well - don't want it to get lost in there!
As far as materials go, I recommend a silicone dildo for ease of use - it is easily cleaned by boiling, or even throwing it into the dishwasher. Toys in Babeland has a lovely variety of just such things. I recommend going to the store, or a similar store near you, so that you can feel them with your own hands and get an idea of what they look like and how they feel. Your friendly sex shop employee may even allow you to try them on (over your clothes, for now.) Just remember to use lots of lube, wherever our little friend will be going.
Now, the question for our more advanced players - How long can you leave nipple clamps on before you risk losing a nip?
First, a word about nipple clamps themselves - make sure that you choose ones either specifically designed for the purpose of use on a body (here are some good examples), or if you use a household item like a clothespin, make sure the clamping will be bearable and that there are no sharp cutting edges or splinters. A test you can use to gauge clamping strength is to pinch the bit of skin between thumb and fingers with the item and see how it feels.
It seems that most BDSM folks recommend that a nipple clamp not be left on a tight setting more than 15-20 minutes. If you are going to use nipple clamps on other parts of the body like thighs or buttocks, the clamps may stay on for a bit longer. You should experiment on yourself before putting anything on your lover/partner. Play safe and pay attention to your partner(s).
So, without further ado, question 1 - I am in the market for a strap-on, but don't know what to buy! Where do I start? What brands are good and why?
Well first, my dear friend, you should narrow your search down a bit. Are you going to be using the strap-on for anal play or vaginal or both? What size do you want it? Realistic looking or more creative? Since you are asking specifically for a strap-on, you will need to get a harness and make sure the dildo you choose has a flared base. This actually comes in handy if you want to do anal play as well - don't want it to get lost in there!
As far as materials go, I recommend a silicone dildo for ease of use - it is easily cleaned by boiling, or even throwing it into the dishwasher. Toys in Babeland has a lovely variety of just such things. I recommend going to the store, or a similar store near you, so that you can feel them with your own hands and get an idea of what they look like and how they feel. Your friendly sex shop employee may even allow you to try them on (over your clothes, for now.) Just remember to use lots of lube, wherever our little friend will be going.
Now, the question for our more advanced players - How long can you leave nipple clamps on before you risk losing a nip?
First, a word about nipple clamps themselves - make sure that you choose ones either specifically designed for the purpose of use on a body (here are some good examples), or if you use a household item like a clothespin, make sure the clamping will be bearable and that there are no sharp cutting edges or splinters. A test you can use to gauge clamping strength is to pinch the bit of skin between thumb and fingers with the item and see how it feels.
It seems that most BDSM folks recommend that a nipple clamp not be left on a tight setting more than 15-20 minutes. If you are going to use nipple clamps on other parts of the body like thighs or buttocks, the clamps may stay on for a bit longer. You should experiment on yourself before putting anything on your lover/partner. Play safe and pay attention to your partner(s).
2/04/2007
First question!
Some friends have been kind enough to start me off with a round of questions. I'm picking this one to be the first to answer because it's easy and useful for everyone to know.
Q: What is a natural organic cure for yeast infections? I don't like teh pills!
There are actually a great number of resources for this on the Internet, which is a wonderful thing. But first, a little about yeast infections.
A yeast infection can be caused by various things but is basically the result of vaginal acidity becoming lower than it should be and the yeast that lives there naturally (Candida albicans) taking over. Causes include antibiotics, birth control pills, pregnancy, douching, and diabetes. The symptoms include itching and burning of the vulva, a cottage cheese-like discharge, and swelling. However, other infections share the same symptoms, so I would definitely recommend going to a doctor the first time to get it diagnosed under a microscope.
Once you know that what you have is a yeast infection, there are a few things you can do that don't require pills. Easiest and most common recommendation is yogurt - completely unsweetened and with live cultures - apply to a non-applicator tampon and insert, or apply directly to the vulva. Apparently teatree oil is also a good one to apply to a tampon. Just remember that a dry tampon may be uncomfortable to insert during an itchy time. Another interesting one I came across is garlic. Peel the dry papery cover off a clove, wrap it in cheesecloth and insert, making sure a bit of string is sticking out. Make sure you are wearing clean cotton underwear and clothing that's not too tight - this will cut down irritation.
A note: Men can get yeast infections too. They may not have symptoms or may have similar ones - itching and burning and a discharge. The important thing to note is that couples can pass yeast infections from one to the other, so please note if you are having recurring infections whether your partner may have one too. Men will need to treat yeast infections with a prescription, or a topical application of Monistat cream. Again, go to your doctor first.
If you don't mind having "teh pills," a handy trick is to ask your gynecologist for a prescription of something like Diflucan, the one pill treatment, with a few refills and simply take when necessary.
Q: What is a natural organic cure for yeast infections? I don't like teh pills!
There are actually a great number of resources for this on the Internet, which is a wonderful thing. But first, a little about yeast infections.
A yeast infection can be caused by various things but is basically the result of vaginal acidity becoming lower than it should be and the yeast that lives there naturally (Candida albicans) taking over. Causes include antibiotics, birth control pills, pregnancy, douching, and diabetes. The symptoms include itching and burning of the vulva, a cottage cheese-like discharge, and swelling. However, other infections share the same symptoms, so I would definitely recommend going to a doctor the first time to get it diagnosed under a microscope.
Once you know that what you have is a yeast infection, there are a few things you can do that don't require pills. Easiest and most common recommendation is yogurt - completely unsweetened and with live cultures - apply to a non-applicator tampon and insert, or apply directly to the vulva. Apparently teatree oil is also a good one to apply to a tampon. Just remember that a dry tampon may be uncomfortable to insert during an itchy time. Another interesting one I came across is garlic. Peel the dry papery cover off a clove, wrap it in cheesecloth and insert, making sure a bit of string is sticking out. Make sure you are wearing clean cotton underwear and clothing that's not too tight - this will cut down irritation.
A note: Men can get yeast infections too. They may not have symptoms or may have similar ones - itching and burning and a discharge. The important thing to note is that couples can pass yeast infections from one to the other, so please note if you are having recurring infections whether your partner may have one too. Men will need to treat yeast infections with a prescription, or a topical application of Monistat cream. Again, go to your doctor first.
If you don't mind having "teh pills," a handy trick is to ask your gynecologist for a prescription of something like Diflucan, the one pill treatment, with a few refills and simply take when necessary.
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