Sex Education for your kids

Dear Yuliya,
At what age should I first talk to my kids about sex? Masturbation? Should I wait for them to bring it up or should I bring it up with them? I remember when my dad gave me the SEX TALK, he trapped me in a car so I couldn't run away and we did family type errands while having the most awkward conversation ever!

First of all, if you are a parent and you are contemplating having the "sex talk" with your child under similar circumstances - DON'T do it. You'll just give them a horror story to tell their friends when they're older. I know it can be embarrassing to talk about sex, and I know it's particularly tricky with your child, but remember that this is important and not something that you can expect a school to provide anymore. Try to pluck up your courage and talk to your child at home, maybe even in his/her room so that they feel comfortable. But, first things first.

Parents should be prepared to answer all sorts of question from their kids. I know I asked my Mom about babies when I was about 6. She was very honest with me and explained all the mechanics calmly. This is important. Don't get freaked out. Children will be curious from an early age. Give things their proper name - don't use "pee-pee" or "down there." It may lead to a couple of embarrassing outbursts in front of relatives, but it's nothing to be ashamed of. Answer all questions that you can in age-appropriate language. Don't feel the need to elaborate too much. Often a child will be satisfied with a fairly surface explanation. If you can bring yourself to do it, talk about masturbation. Children often manipulate their own genitals at an early age. It's normal! If sex is difficult for you to talk about, consider getting a book for your child to read. Something like Where Did I Come From may be useful. I've also heard good things about It's Perfectly Normal.

If your child is already well on the way to puberty and you haven't had a talk with him/her yet, you may consider pointing them in the direction of Scarlateen - an excellent sex education site. Of course, it's always OK to want to talk to your child yourself. Feel free to arm yourself with any knowledge you may want to impart and sit your child down for a talk. Allow questions. Be open and honest. Don't get embarrassed, you are doing a good thing! Try to cover many important things like pregnancy, STI's, sexual assault, but also talk about good things like masturbation, healthy relationships, consent, sexual identity, etc. Have more than one talk - there's a lot of ground to cover! Also, take an interest in what kind of education the child's school is providing (if any). It may be comprehensive sex ed, it may be abstinence-only sex ed, or there may be nothing. Check on the materials and coursework provided and make sure your teenager gets all the correct information. Try to prepare him/her for making good decisions about sex and sexuality later in life. And try not to freak out too much about your child growing up. It's inevitable!