Dear Yuliya,
At what age should I first talk to my kids about sex? Masturbation? Should I wait for them to bring it up or should I bring it up with them? I remember when my dad gave me the SEX TALK, he trapped me in a car so I couldn't run away and we did family type errands while having the most awkward conversation ever!
First of all, if you are a parent and you are contemplating having the "sex talk" with your child under similar circumstances - DON'T do it. You'll just give them a horror story to tell their friends when they're older. I know it can be embarrassing to talk about sex, and I know it's particularly tricky with your child, but remember that this is important and not something that you can expect a school to provide anymore. Try to pluck up your courage and talk to your child at home, maybe even in his/her room so that they feel comfortable. But, first things first.
Parents should be prepared to answer all sorts of question from their kids. I know I asked my Mom about babies when I was about 6. She was very honest with me and explained all the mechanics calmly. This is important. Don't get freaked out. Children will be curious from an early age. Give things their proper name - don't use "pee-pee" or "down there." It may lead to a couple of embarrassing outbursts in front of relatives, but it's nothing to be ashamed of. Answer all questions that you can in age-appropriate language. Don't feel the need to elaborate too much. Often a child will be satisfied with a fairly surface explanation. If you can bring yourself to do it, talk about masturbation. Children often manipulate their own genitals at an early age. It's normal! If sex is difficult for you to talk about, consider getting a book for your child to read. Something like Where Did I Come From may be useful. I've also heard good things about It's Perfectly Normal.
If your child is already well on the way to puberty and you haven't had a talk with him/her yet, you may consider pointing them in the direction of Scarlateen - an excellent sex education site. Of course, it's always OK to want to talk to your child yourself. Feel free to arm yourself with any knowledge you may want to impart and sit your child down for a talk. Allow questions. Be open and honest. Don't get embarrassed, you are doing a good thing! Try to cover many important things like pregnancy, STI's, sexual assault, but also talk about good things like masturbation, healthy relationships, consent, sexual identity, etc. Have more than one talk - there's a lot of ground to cover! Also, take an interest in what kind of education the child's school is providing (if any). It may be comprehensive sex ed, it may be abstinence-only sex ed, or there may be nothing. Check on the materials and coursework provided and make sure your teenager gets all the correct information. Try to prepare him/her for making good decisions about sex and sexuality later in life. And try not to freak out too much about your child growing up. It's inevitable!
Showing posts with label sex. Show all posts
Showing posts with label sex. Show all posts
6/19/2007
4/24/2007
Missing BC pills
Dear Yuliya
I'm a lady in a committed monogamous relationship with a gentlemen. We have both been tested for everything possible and no longer use condoms. I take Orthotricyclen every night at around the same hour as directed. However, I forgot to take my pill two nights in a row! Durrr! We have not had sex for maybe 4 or 5 days, however, so all I want to know is how long I should wait?
I do not want TEH BABIES!
Dear I do not want TEH BABIES,
Take your next pill as soon as is possible, along with yesterday's pill. Do not take more than 2 pills at a time. Throw away the other one you missed. Then, it depends on which week of your pills you are on. Most people seem to recommend waiting for 7 days, and if you are on the third week of the cycle, to skip the week of placebo pills and just continue on to the next pack. I'd wait until your period, just in case. If you are in your third week when you forget some pills, then go ahead and start the next pack instead of the placebo, but be warned that with a tri-phasic birth control pill you will likely have breakthrough bleeding. I'd recommend waiting until you're a week into your next pack to start penis-in-vagina sex.
This question actually brings me to one of my favorite things to talk about, though - the many fun things you can do that do not involve penis-in-vagina! Intimacy is many many things and there seems to be somewhat of an over-emphasis on PIV. Some people even call PIV the only "real" sex. You and your partner can enjoy each others' sexuality without it, when something like a missed birth control pill throws you off. There is oral sex, anal sex (if you are into that sort of thing), manual stimulation, mutual masturbation, heck even regular masturbation next to each other, sex toys, and whatever else your imagination may come up with! This might be a good time to just explore each other and come up with new erogenous zones. This is a time for play!
I'm a lady in a committed monogamous relationship with a gentlemen. We have both been tested for everything possible and no longer use condoms. I take Orthotricyclen every night at around the same hour as directed. However, I forgot to take my pill two nights in a row! Durrr! We have not had sex for maybe 4 or 5 days, however, so all I want to know is how long I should wait?
I do not want TEH BABIES!
Dear I do not want TEH BABIES,
Take your next pill as soon as is possible, along with yesterday's pill. Do not take more than 2 pills at a time. Throw away the other one you missed. Then, it depends on which week of your pills you are on. Most people seem to recommend waiting for 7 days, and if you are on the third week of the cycle, to skip the week of placebo pills and just continue on to the next pack. I'd wait until your period, just in case. If you are in your third week when you forget some pills, then go ahead and start the next pack instead of the placebo, but be warned that with a tri-phasic birth control pill you will likely have breakthrough bleeding. I'd recommend waiting until you're a week into your next pack to start penis-in-vagina sex.
This question actually brings me to one of my favorite things to talk about, though - the many fun things you can do that do not involve penis-in-vagina! Intimacy is many many things and there seems to be somewhat of an over-emphasis on PIV. Some people even call PIV the only "real" sex. You and your partner can enjoy each others' sexuality without it, when something like a missed birth control pill throws you off. There is oral sex, anal sex (if you are into that sort of thing), manual stimulation, mutual masturbation, heck even regular masturbation next to each other, sex toys, and whatever else your imagination may come up with! This might be a good time to just explore each other and come up with new erogenous zones. This is a time for play!
3/20/2007
Options
Plan B - many have probably heard of it, but the information out there can be muddled, and certainly riddled with politics. What is it? How does it work? How can one get some?
Plan B is an emergency contraception pill that a woman can take after failed contraception, unprotected sex, or sexual assault. It basically contains levonorgestril, the same ingredient as regular birth control pills, but in a larger dosage. It works best if taken no more than 72 hours after unprotected sex. It works primarily by preventing ovulation, though it is possible that it may prevent fertilization or implantation. This pill is not the same as the abortion pill, RU-486. The FDA has a Q & A section about Plan B that details a bit more about how it works.
And speaking of the FDA - recently the agency made Plan B an over-the-counter drug for those 18 and over. This is a good first step, however, because of the age requirement it will still be kept behind pharmacy counters. This also means that pharmacist may refuse to carry it or dispense it. There have already been some reports that this has happened. Generally, pharmacies will have a policy that someone else must be available to dispense this medication. Also, women younger than 18 years of age will still need a prescription from a doctor.
It's a good idea to have some Plan B on hand, since it is so time sensitive and there are still obstacles to obtaining it. You may also want to help a younger friend or sister by getting some for her if you are over the age of 18. And if you are really feeling spunky, you may want to see which pharmacies in town will dispense Plan B without problems, in case you need some. I will report if I find any with issues.
Plan B is an emergency contraception pill that a woman can take after failed contraception, unprotected sex, or sexual assault. It basically contains levonorgestril, the same ingredient as regular birth control pills, but in a larger dosage. It works best if taken no more than 72 hours after unprotected sex. It works primarily by preventing ovulation, though it is possible that it may prevent fertilization or implantation. This pill is not the same as the abortion pill, RU-486. The FDA has a Q & A section about Plan B that details a bit more about how it works.
And speaking of the FDA - recently the agency made Plan B an over-the-counter drug for those 18 and over. This is a good first step, however, because of the age requirement it will still be kept behind pharmacy counters. This also means that pharmacist may refuse to carry it or dispense it. There have already been some reports that this has happened. Generally, pharmacies will have a policy that someone else must be available to dispense this medication. Also, women younger than 18 years of age will still need a prescription from a doctor.
It's a good idea to have some Plan B on hand, since it is so time sensitive and there are still obstacles to obtaining it. You may also want to help a younger friend or sister by getting some for her if you are over the age of 18. And if you are really feeling spunky, you may want to see which pharmacies in town will dispense Plan B without problems, in case you need some. I will report if I find any with issues.
2/22/2007
A little bit about why I'm doing this
I think sex is an unqualified good. Now that doesn't mean that you have to have it all the time, or ever if that's your choice, but sex and sexuality are not just composed of the physical. Knowing one's desires, knowing how to take care of one's body and one's partner(s), being able to talk honestly about fundamental functions of both mind and body - that will lead us to a brighter future. I know it seems kind of grandiose, but we really must learn and talk about these things.
Communication and knowledge are the building blocks of healthy sexuality. They will lead to fewer diseases, more pleasure, more respect. Yes some people will be hateful and mean. They will look upon anything different as a moral failing. But they are and will continue to be in the minority. I am in the business of providing the means and the ways of communication and knowledge, and I hope I can educate some whose views are different, and all who come with an open mind.
I've always thought that education is one of the most important jobs out there. For sex there should certainly be mystery between partners, but there should not be a veil of secrecy drawn over a basic part of life. There are fewer comprehensive sexuality education classes out there. People need information. It needs to be accurate and free from judgment. I am not a moral authority. I am only someone who wants to teach and talk and work toward a better world. Ask me and I will do all I can.
Communication and knowledge are the building blocks of healthy sexuality. They will lead to fewer diseases, more pleasure, more respect. Yes some people will be hateful and mean. They will look upon anything different as a moral failing. But they are and will continue to be in the minority. I am in the business of providing the means and the ways of communication and knowledge, and I hope I can educate some whose views are different, and all who come with an open mind.
I've always thought that education is one of the most important jobs out there. For sex there should certainly be mystery between partners, but there should not be a veil of secrecy drawn over a basic part of life. There are fewer comprehensive sexuality education classes out there. People need information. It needs to be accurate and free from judgment. I am not a moral authority. I am only someone who wants to teach and talk and work toward a better world. Ask me and I will do all I can.
2/07/2007
Toys - easy and complicated
Today I have a couple of toy questions - one that many can relate to, and one a bit more advanced. Not everyone uses toys in their sex lives, but they can certainly bring a bit of extra fun to the bedroom, whether you are alone or with a partner(s).
So, without further ado, question 1 - I am in the market for a strap-on, but don't know what to buy! Where do I start? What brands are good and why?
Well first, my dear friend, you should narrow your search down a bit. Are you going to be using the strap-on for anal play or vaginal or both? What size do you want it? Realistic looking or more creative? Since you are asking specifically for a strap-on, you will need to get a harness and make sure the dildo you choose has a flared base. This actually comes in handy if you want to do anal play as well - don't want it to get lost in there!
As far as materials go, I recommend a silicone dildo for ease of use - it is easily cleaned by boiling, or even throwing it into the dishwasher. Toys in Babeland has a lovely variety of just such things. I recommend going to the store, or a similar store near you, so that you can feel them with your own hands and get an idea of what they look like and how they feel. Your friendly sex shop employee may even allow you to try them on (over your clothes, for now.) Just remember to use lots of lube, wherever our little friend will be going.
Now, the question for our more advanced players - How long can you leave nipple clamps on before you risk losing a nip?
First, a word about nipple clamps themselves - make sure that you choose ones either specifically designed for the purpose of use on a body (here are some good examples), or if you use a household item like a clothespin, make sure the clamping will be bearable and that there are no sharp cutting edges or splinters. A test you can use to gauge clamping strength is to pinch the bit of skin between thumb and fingers with the item and see how it feels.
It seems that most BDSM folks recommend that a nipple clamp not be left on a tight setting more than 15-20 minutes. If you are going to use nipple clamps on other parts of the body like thighs or buttocks, the clamps may stay on for a bit longer. You should experiment on yourself before putting anything on your lover/partner. Play safe and pay attention to your partner(s).
So, without further ado, question 1 - I am in the market for a strap-on, but don't know what to buy! Where do I start? What brands are good and why?
Well first, my dear friend, you should narrow your search down a bit. Are you going to be using the strap-on for anal play or vaginal or both? What size do you want it? Realistic looking or more creative? Since you are asking specifically for a strap-on, you will need to get a harness and make sure the dildo you choose has a flared base. This actually comes in handy if you want to do anal play as well - don't want it to get lost in there!
As far as materials go, I recommend a silicone dildo for ease of use - it is easily cleaned by boiling, or even throwing it into the dishwasher. Toys in Babeland has a lovely variety of just such things. I recommend going to the store, or a similar store near you, so that you can feel them with your own hands and get an idea of what they look like and how they feel. Your friendly sex shop employee may even allow you to try them on (over your clothes, for now.) Just remember to use lots of lube, wherever our little friend will be going.
Now, the question for our more advanced players - How long can you leave nipple clamps on before you risk losing a nip?
First, a word about nipple clamps themselves - make sure that you choose ones either specifically designed for the purpose of use on a body (here are some good examples), or if you use a household item like a clothespin, make sure the clamping will be bearable and that there are no sharp cutting edges or splinters. A test you can use to gauge clamping strength is to pinch the bit of skin between thumb and fingers with the item and see how it feels.
It seems that most BDSM folks recommend that a nipple clamp not be left on a tight setting more than 15-20 minutes. If you are going to use nipple clamps on other parts of the body like thighs or buttocks, the clamps may stay on for a bit longer. You should experiment on yourself before putting anything on your lover/partner. Play safe and pay attention to your partner(s).
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)